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1. Bifocals Barbie.
Comes with her own set of blended-lens
fashion frames in six wild colors
(half-frames too!), neck chain, and
large-print editions of Vogue and
Martha Stewart Living.
2. Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie's
bellybutton and watch her face turn
beet red while tiny drops of perspiration
appear on her forehead. Comes with
handheld fan and tiny tissues.
3. Facial Hair Barbie. As Barbie's
hormone levels shift, see her whiskers
grow. Available with teensy tweezers
and magnifying mirror.
4. Flabby Arms Barbie. Hide Barbie's
droopy triceps with these new,roomier-sleeved
gowns. Good news on the tummy front,
two Mu-Mus with tummy-support panels
are included.
5. Bunion Barbie. Years of disco
dancing in stiletto heels have definitely
taken their toll on Barbie's dainty
arched feet. Soothe her sores with
the pumice stone and plasters, then
slip on soft terry mules.
6. No-More-Wrinkles Barbie. Erase
those pesky crow's-feet and lip lines
with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle,
from Barbie's own line of exclusive
age-blasting cosmetics.
7. Soccer Mom Barbie. All that experience
as a cheerleader is really paying
off as Barbie dusts off her old high
school megaphone to root for Babs
and Ken, Jr. Comes with minivan in
robin-egg blue or white and cooler
filled with doughnut holes and fruit
punch.
8. Mid-life Crisis Barbie. It's time
to ditch Ken. Barbie needs a change,
and Alonzo (her personal trainer)
is just what the doctor ordered, along
with Prozac. They're hopping in her
new red Miata and heading for the
Napa Valley to open a B&B. Includes
a real tape of "Breaking Up Is
Hard to Do."
9. Divorced Barbie. Sells for$ 199.99.
Comes with Ken's house, Ken's car,
and Ken's boat.
10. Recovery Barbie. Too many parties
have finally caught up with the ultimate
party girl. Now she does Twelve Steps
instead of dance steps. Clean and
sober, she's going to meetings religiously.
Comes with a little copy of The Big
Book and a six-pack of Diet Coke.
11. Post-Menopausal Barbie. This
Barbie wets her pants when she sneezes,
forgets where she puts things, and
cries a lot. She is sick and tired
of Ken sitting on the couch watching
the tube, clicking through the channels.
Comes with Depends and Kleenex. As
a bonus this year, the book "Getting
In Touch with Your Inner Self"
is included.
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